Nonstop Entertainment
Something became apparent to me a while ago I was watching too much HGTV. (I'm now working to limit that channel viewing. It sucks up too much time.) I had the best intentions of trying to pick up some design cues and ideas for my own home as I had work done, like bathrooms, flooring, painting, etc. A couple phrases, usually uttered by "normal people" searching for a home or having theirs remodeled, constantly caught my attention and got me thinking recently:
- "I want/love the open concept!"
- "This will be great for entertaining" or "I really need a space to be able to entertain"
What was it about this ideal that is so appealing and apparently universal to all American families that we all must have these huge open concept main floors and spaces to entertain all our friends and family? Why did this become such an important facet of our personal lives? When did homes become a stage instead of a place to be with family and friends?
Practically speaking, I get the tangible benefits of big open spaces for parties and get togethers. Nobody should feel crowded, navigating a room isn't hard because there's lots of room, 50 people can all watch the game on the big screen TV at once without feeling cramped and everyone feels like they're together. Though my favorite reason, from shows anyway, is that whoever is in the kitchen can "entertain" while they prepare things and continue to interact with their guests. Or that the backyard is "perfect for entertaining." I never realized this element was lacking in all our lives before. The question that really keeps gnawing at me now though is:
Why do we need to be entertaining all the time?
The word choice I believe is key and signals this shift in our culture which has been evolving for quite some time. It's no longer enough to have people over and enjoy their company and conversation. We are being told we are to put on a show; we are a host and must ensure our guests have maximum enjoyment during their stay. Our personalities and parties must be fun and exciting. It simply isn't enough to just... be.
I am not a natural entertainer. I can be a good host and usually remember to ask friends who come over if they want something to drink. Usually. As an introvert, my desire is to spend quality time with people in whatever setting that may be. I think what is lacking in these types of home designs are cozy nooks and rooms that facilitate and create a sense of closeness, both figuratively and literally. The furniture may be situated closer together or a couch may just be smaller because the room isn't humongous. While I like and enjoy larger homes, I also love finding those small spaces or nooks within that larger space to hide away and be on my own or with one or two other people for a more intimate conversation. This desire also ties in with what I like about being last at the party. It also doesn't provide that stage where I'm always visible and therefore (visually) accessible. Cozy surroundings create atmospheres that better facilitate conversation that goes beyond the weather and sports.
What does this mean for home design or our incessant need for everything and everyone to entertain? I don't know. It's something I need to ponder a bit more to understand how any fundamental shift in either would alter my life and the circles I'm in. This topic demands more time for processing and questions about our status quo and about what should change.
Introversion
It's no secret that I am an introvert. Before the first time I took a Myers-Briggs personality profile test back in my senior year of high school, it was quite obvious (to me) that I wasn't that guy who craved all the attention of the party or always needed to be around others to be content. I find I usually can more fully and more clearly express myself in written word. I have an inner circle of friends that are close to me and I would rather spend lots of time with them than short bursts of time with strangers or acquaintances at a party small talking about the weather.
While I've had an intellectual fascination about personality profiles to better understand myself and others for quite some time, this interest has been piqued again recently by a TED talk I ran across almost 2 months ago. Susan Cain gives a fantastic talk on Introverts and why they are so important to our world. It inspired me to go out and buy her book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking". I've been reading it only since last weekend and I have been challenged to rethink so much of the world around me and reevaluate the social structures I'm a part of and question if they are ideal. The book (so far) has me processing how I as an introvert tap into my leadership skills and style, particularly as I constantly evaluate how to best manage an IT department full of unique people, skills, and personalities. It also ties in well with my intent to focus on leadership this year.
Expect more response to this topic and various subtopics as I continue throughout the book and process my thoughts on the matter. I encourage anyone reading this to take some time to watch and listen to Susan's TED talk, embedded below. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.
I Complain, but Only Socially
There may be some irony in writing about my issues with people who complain online, much like those people who are online for the days leading up to Lent broadcasting their giving up of Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest/something online. My hope is to share my reflections on all the complaining I read online.
What is your purpose in sharing with everyone that you can't stand your boss or how tired you are because you stayed out too late last night? Attention? Advice? (Hint: Probably the former in almost all situations.)The ability to share has become so easy and readily available that we often fail to filter our thoughts properly - or at all. It's one thing to vent to a couple friends over a drink at a bar. It's more private. It's conversational. Your friends can corroborate with you in real time. You can banter back and forth. But most of all, your friends can speak (or smack) sense into you if you sound like an idiot.
When you examine someone's stream of consciousness on Facebook or Twitter, for example, take note of overall themes of content. Is the content focused on a certain topic? Or is it completely random? But perhaps most interestingly, what vibe does it give off? I have a few friends on Facebook and some I follow on Twitter who seem to find it difficult to find positive things to say. I often wonder why they choose to share the things they do on such a consistent basis. After a while, it gets really old and nobody wants to hear it anymore.
I also wonder if those who do complain about themselves or everything else in the world really think it's so terrible that all that's left to try and feel better is vent about everything online. By the way, this also works well in the "I can't sleep so I'm here on Facebook" or "should be doing something else more important than Facebook, but am on Facebook" situations. Pro-tip: Facebook friends will not help you sleep or get back on task. Ever.
Though perhaps I take the biggest issue with those who complain merely to complain. Don't mistake me for someone who think you should bottle up everything that bothers you. The problem comes in when venting or complaining is happening strictly for the sake of itself. Have a problem with your workout schedule or lack thereof? Start going to the gym, running outside, or otherwise get off your butt. Spending too much time on social networks? Spend less time on them! Got a beef with something the government is doing? Sure we can talk about it, but if you want to try and be part of the solution, contact your representative and make your voice heard. Besides, I'm pretty sure those pictures you share on Facebook that have some slam or inspirational quote about how government should be something it currently isn't has little to no effect on the actual government.
My main point is this: if you're going to point out flaws in something, at least put the energy into finding or being part of the solution. Otherwise, I'm not really sure what your point is in making a big fuss over it. It's a waste of energy and time that could be better spent doing something else.
Bathroom Renovation Part Deux
It's a new year in Myrtle Estates and that means more renovations! This year's primary project was the main house bathroom. It was mostly functional, but the florescent light fixture was beginning to show its age, a few tiles in the tub area were starting to come away from the walls, and the lack of a vent was beginning to be a bigger problem. I left it to the same team who renovated/upgraded the master bathroom at RNP Construction to help me out again. Again, they did not disappoint!
This year I decided not to post incessantly about the progress and limited it to one post with before and after photos. Enjoy!
A view from the hallway. Feels like stepping back into time, doesn't it?
A better view of the old 3-piece mirror setup, bad lighting and bulkhead above the shower taking up space for no reason.
Goodbye, bathroom! The pink tub makes its final stand before the sledgehammer came in. (Those photos were not safe for the web.)
That's better! Deep tub, new tile, paint color, sink, mirror, lighting, vent. Does it get any better? The "floating" vanity may be one of my favorite things in here.
A view from night time.
This year's project funded in (large) part by the IRS. Thank you for returning some money to me after holding it in 2011.
Running and Discipline
My last post was the beginning of this new focused journey on running and preparing myself for the Shamrock Shuffle at the end of March. I'm 3 weeks into the training and I'm learning - or re-learning - some lessons.
Discipline, accountability and consistency is key. When I first started, the trainer asked me how many days a week I planned on committing to. I said 3 was realistic. Even now, that is a good limit for me and my current schedule. (Yes, even single people can have a lot going on, right Joy?) But really, without this defined schedule in place, it's highly unlikely I would've mustered up enough motivation and energy to go this often. And this with something I want to be ready to do!
It's also not easy to say no to a workout when you are being held accountable by someone to going and them asking you the following week how the workouts went. When I have to look someone in the eye and tell them I did or didn't make the workout, I want to truthfully tell them I did it. I'm finding having the accountability of the trainer incredibly helpful, even if my wallet doesn't always agree.
All this comes down to discipline. Without it, the Shamrock Shuffle 8K would probably be a frustrating experience. Instead, I am building myself up, stretching myself (literally and figuratively) and pushing my limits each time I workout. I'm seeing the benefits of it even through the pain. What's most revealing is how other parts of life are holding me back. Eating poorly has a more direct impact on my workouts, as does a lack of quality sleep. I'm always amazed at how interconnected life is even at the individual level. This time is providing some great life lessons that are extending well beyond the initial goal of being able to run an 8K race. I'll continue to share my thoughts as they are cohesive enough for consumption.
I Decided to Run in a Race
After a few years of getting into running and not wheezing my way through every step, I've begun to actually enjoy it as an exercise activity. This year, I've decided that I was going to run in at least one race. The first one will be the Shamrock Shuffle 8K on March 25th. It's just shy of 5 miles, which I've never run all at once before - or maybe even in total on one day.
As with everything else in life lately, being ready for this race is going to require some planning. I'm going to meet with a personal trainer from my gym. He is working on a balanced training plan that will help me focus on the distance, but also make sure I don't forget to do things like weight lifting to strengthen my core and other supporting muscles. We're going to meet once a month to track progress, tweak the plan, and just see how things are going. These things are necessary if I expect to succeed on race day.
I'm excited about this new venture, small as it may be in the world of running. I have no grandiose dreams of being first or doing anything faster than a 9 minute pace for this event. But the goal of completion will be huge for me. Perhaps I'll even do more events later this year.
Planning Isn’t So Bad Once You Get Used To It
It's always interesting to me how a theme can find its way into every part of my life all at the same time. Right now, that theme is planning. As a natural INFP, planning isn't something that comes naturally to me. In a lot of ways, I prefer to go with the flow of the situation and see where life takes me. Yet at the same time, I've been thrust into roles in my life that require it of me. I also find age and "adulthood" forces me to think a few steps ahead and figure out what I need to do before it happens.
One area this is showing itself more than ever is in my job. Now, as an IT Director, planning has always been part of my job and working on timelines and considering what if scenarios isn't anything new. Though in the last few months I've learned I need to do better with it, especially when it comes to teaching it to those I supervise. While it's become more natural to me over the years from my work experience, that doesn't mean it always does for others. So often a good plan makes the job so much better. I can recall thinking early on after college that having all these meetings and talking about stuff vs. just doing whatever needed to be done was a waste of time. Only after years of real life experience do I now see that spending some time up front can really save you a lot of grief later.
The other came to me as I met with a personal trainer last week to discuss what I should be doing to prepare for events like the Shamrock Shuffle in late March. What he continued to drill into my head the whole hour we met was that once you determined your goal, whether it's running a 5K or 50 mile ultra marathon is that you have to lay out a plan for yourself and stick to it. You can't expect yourself to be ready for an ultra marathon without putting in some serious prep work. As he talked (and I ran on the treadmill), this is seemed so obvious. Yet why hadn't I put the pieces together before?
Goals, whether successful completion of a project at work or running a race, requires forethought, planning, and hard work. I daresay one of my 2012 themes will be planning. I'll be doing more of it at work. I'm already planning an 8K (the aforementioned Shamrock Shuffle). Perhaps the most fun thing so far this year? Planning my best friend's bachelor party! See, this planning thing isn't so bad all the time.
My (Re)Focus on Being a Leader
I originally started this post to focus on the topic of working to be your best and how that isn't always the easiest thing to do. A number of events in the past couple months have reminded me that I haven't always been at my best; I haven't always put in 100% in everything I do. While I don't see or feel the effects of that in the near future, the result of every action or inaction is evident.
For many years, starting back in college and if I really think about it part of high school, I've found myself in positions of leadership. When I've been completely devoted and focused on that task and role, I have excelled and it shows in the results of my work and can be seen in the fruits of the organizations and groups I've been part of. Though if I give myself an honest assessment of my overall life performance lately, I haven't always been the best at it nor given my all to people I'm called to lead, direct and teach. I'm not sure why I've let myself get so lazy with this. Time to change that.
Starting now, I'm going to refocus my energy to be a better, more focused, more intentional leader. That will entail thinking more about the big picture and the future, training and educating those I lead to be equipped, and keeping myself sharp. Tonight I grabbed my copy of The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell which I haven't read in quite a while. Expect to start seeing some thoughts and reflections on leadership with some direct quotes and insight from Mr. Maxwell.
Taking Time to Create Something Good: Now Support It
In my first blog post on this topic, I gave some background on my own views of creating things and shared that we should slow down a bit more to make sure we do it right the first time. So now that we've created something good, what do we do with it?
"Which product are you talking about? Oh, we stopped making that version yesterday."
The consumer electronics industry is the biggest offender of creating products, some that are quite amazing in their own right, only to let them drift into the background sometimes only a few months later. Cell phones are replaced with new models that only have incremental improvements. TV's are released in a dizzying array of options that are only slightly different from each other, again with specs that barely improve upon the previous edition. Computers, especially laptops, have so many build configuration options you don't know how to tell one apart from the other.
What's the problem with this? Support. I empathize with the people needing to know and react to questions. "Which model of laptop do you have? The 3000NX -3 or 3100DX-3? Oh, do you have the TV model with a 45" screen and 4 HDMI inputs or the 46" version with 3 HDMI inputs but WiFi built in? Oh, what is your phone OS? 2.2, 2.3, or 2.3.3?" I can only imagine what the hardware supply chain must look like for these manufacturers. Trying to figure how many of each type of part to keep on hand must be an incredibly time consuming job for someone.
Then there's the side of figuring out how long to keep people on a team to support a product. I'll pick on smartphones and Samsung in particular, though others are certainly guilty as well. Samsung is notorious for releasing many, many iterations of devices with the slightest of variations and most ridiculous of names to differentiate them in the market. (Seriously, the "Fascinate" or "Mesmerize"? My phone doesn't need to do either of these for me. And don't get me started on car model names.) Then 8 months later they release the new version of the phone and completely fail to say or do much of anything when it comes to software upgrades and support for the original device. Wouldn't it be more affordable for you to keep supporting existing hardware with new software updates instead of continuously manufacturing new stuff, along with new software that's just different enough from the original? I will say Apple has done well here with limited product lines and mostly longer support on the software side.
It's like consumer electronics companies have commitment issues.
OK, I get it. Technology moves too fast for our own good. What's the point of all this?
I'm glad you asked. I see the lack of support of products by companies as 1) their way of getting us to keep buying new stuff and upgrade often and 2) symptomatic of our culture's inability to sit still and be content with what we have. We're jumpy and move from one shiny thing to another before the first shiny thing even had a chance to go dull. Once that initial luster is gone, we grow bored and want to move on. This mentality burns us out in all aspects of our lives. Once we find that phone "outdated" even though it does everything you need it to, we start to look around. That friendship that once so easily brought laughs and enjoyment now seems to require more effort simply because life has changed where you are? We start wondering if that person is worth expending energy on. That group you're in, doesn't bring that "new shiny" joy it did when you first joined or started it? You wonder if "it's for you" anymore.
I gravitate towards people and organizations that have proven or are committing to standing behind who they are or what they create. If I buy this TV, I want to know that company will be there if I need support for it. If I buy a phone, I want to know I'll get software updates for that 2 year contract US carriers push us to sign. I want to know that if I invest myself into a friendship, they are willing to do the same in return. My friends know that if I'm investing my time and life into theirs, I'm in it for the long haul. I am choosy about my closer friends because I know it takes effort and I don't take friendships lightly.
OK, I'll ask again: what's the point?
When you create something, 1) make it good and 2) be ready to support it for a while. Anything worth making should be worth putting your name and reputation behind it. I want to commit to this more regularly in what I do. Who's with me?
Taking Time to Create Something Good: Go Slow
(Can someone find the level to check this? Eh, it's good enough.)
As someone who found his calling early on in childhood coming up with new structures and objects out of Legos or Lincoln Logs to build thriving cities in games like Sim City 2000. 3000, and 4, I still find myself enjoying that creative process as an adult but in different outlets. Sadly, the days of playing with Legos is in the past. Though if the opportunity of time and space to build was available, I'd jump at the chance without a second thought and the spend the day coming up with something amazing.
I continue to create, but at a slower pace and with greater focus and an intentional purpose behind it. I am very aware that my time, energy, and attention are all limited resources. Even the time I spend writing here on the blog is less frequent but purposeful when posted. It's important to me to be picky in what I invest in, so that I give my best.
Living in the programming/tech world, part of my job is to create and support things and help my team do the same. Websites, networks, phone systems, databases, whatever is deemed necessary or requested by a paying client. The goal is to plan projects out carefully and build properly the first time around so that whatever we make will last and stands up to scrutiny and a good beating from end users. If you don't invest some time and effort in up front, that type of project doesn't hold up too well in the long run and you end up looking bad in the process for not making a better product in the first place.
Recent events combined with shifts in culture surrounding the idea of creating things has consumed my thoughts for some time. I will expand on this in future posts, but the theme remains the same: slow down. In many ways, this theme has been permeating my life starting some months ago leading up to my sabbatical trip then planting deep roots while I traveled. It's clear there's something to this I need to dig into. Who wants to grab a shovel and join me to see what we find?
Stuff I’ve written
- May 2012 (1)
- April 2012 (1)
- March 2012 (2)
- February 2012 (2)
- January 2012 (2)
- December 2011 (1)
- November 2011 (2)
- October 2011 (13)
- September 2011 (9)
- August 2011 (3)
- July 2011 (2)
- June 2011 (4)
- May 2011 (3)
- April 2011 (8)
- March 2011 (2)
- February 2011 (3)
- January 2011 (1)
- November 2010 (8)
- July 2010 (1)
- April 2010 (2)
- March 2010 (1)
- January 2010 (1)
- December 2009 (1)
- November 2009 (2)
- October 2009 (3)
