life

  • 2025: Almost Too Much at Once

    2025: Almost Too Much at Once

    Featured image: a moment of peace and beauty at a Sleeping at Last concert in November.

    It’s challenging to think about this past year without thinking or writing about politics because it was impossible to avoid. I would be lying if I said consuming political content did not take up far too much time and energy. Truly, it felt as though everything was happening at once, all of the time. It was simultaneously extremely important, exhausting, and often simply taking up oxygen. Discerning when to look away was not a strong suit in 2025. 

    Yet while we watched the persistent attempts to upend the world, life continued, and 2025 still happened despite it all. I was promoted at work in January, which came with more responsibility. Many of us within the organization were working on a significant project that stretched our limits this year, particularly during the first six months. I hadn’t worked those kinds of extra hours in many years. I did not miss that stress of pushing up against timelines and staring at a screen, troubleshooting at 11PM on a Tuesday. 

    In the first few months of this year, I also ran a campaign for local office as a trustee in my town. I built out a website with my bio and lists of issues important to me, had yard signs printed, held meet-and-greets with the public, and more. While the campaign didn’t land me a trustee seat this time, I learned a lot about local politics and how important, messy, and fascinating it is. Perhaps I’ll write about it separately one day. The experience hasn’t scared me off from running for elected office again. I also made connections in my local community that I never had in the 17 years I lived in Villa Park, for which I am grateful. (The real campaign was the friends I made along the way.) 


    In anticipation of a potential election win, I wanted to be prepared with knowledge and skills that would be valuable in a trustee/local government position. In January, I took the plunge and went back to school for the Certificate in Organizational Leadership program at The Chicago School. Classes started in March, and I finished the program at the end of August. I am glad I decided to dive back into school, even if the adjustment to the weekly reading and writing assignment schedule was more challenging than I anticipated.  I applaud every person who has or will choose to go to school while holding down a full-time job, not to mention other life responsibilities like having a family.

    JPG copy of certificate diploma

    And of course, it wouldn’t be a year without me running and training for some races. Compared to 2024, this was a tame calendar with one 8K (March), two 10Ks (June, September), one 15K (November), two half marathons (April, June), and one full marathon (October). While I can’t point to any one thing, I was not mentally in the running game nearly as much as in prior years. Training felt harder. I didn’t feel as strong during races. I attributed it partially to *waves hands at everything* the world and the near-daily deluge of news that did not infuse me with encouragement. Other friends felt similarly unmotivated. Regardless, I mostly showed up week in and week out and made new friends in a supportive run club/group chat.

    Next year, the self-assigned torture fun continues. The same friend and I who convinced ourselves that running two marathons in a week are planning to do it again in 2026. Watch out, Chicago and Scotland, we’re coming for ya! 

    SM Running Club before The Chicago Marathon
    The Standard Meadery running crew/group chat moral support team

    It was nearly too much. Visual representation of the chaos.

    ActivityJanFebMarAprMayJunJulAug
    Work████████████████
    Campaign████████
    School████████████████
    Running████████████████

    2025 ended up being a year where I stretched myself, almost too thin, especially in the first few months. The chart above shows how many substantial targets, beyond work, I set for myself. Two of them, campaigning for a local election and taking classes as a working adult, were new and required a lot from me. I don’t think I was ever close to breaking down, but I was certainly very stressed during certain windows of time (see: a particular few days in mid-March).

    2026 Preview

    I refrained from writing publicly and speaking my mind freely on many topics as the social and political landscape continued to get murkier; the idea of jumping into those waters seemed unnecessary, but I don’t believe that is healthy for me. Constantly avoiding uncomfortable conversations and disagreements with friends or family isn’t a way to have a functioning society. So, if you see this and know we don’t align on an ideological spectrum, be forewarned: I may lovingly push back on what you say or post. My goal isn’t to pick fights, and I don’t want others to do that either, but my goal is to engage in more meaningful and authentic ways to understand each other and challenge my social circles instead of just quietly judging and snickering from behind a screen. I’m exhausted from speaking through memes or vague references to what we think or believe.

    This exercise may prove fruitless and futile, but I feel like I have to try.

    There is a long list of ideas and topics on my mind that I’ve wanted to write about here, but I have put them off for too long. My (evergreen) goal is to carve out time to do deeper thinking, which will mean balancing out my screen time and reducing my TikTok/Instagram/Facebook intake and replacing it with good books and longer-form writing and journalism. I often tell myself I want to be a “words-first” content consumer, but I frequently fail and doom-scroll because it’s easy. If we all believe that too much social media and screen time is bad for the youth and is messing them up, then we should change that behavior in ourselves first.

    I also have to get better at filtering out the distractions so I can focus on what I care about, like reading more books, becoming a better runner, journaling, and endlessly advocating to the world that everyone should love and take transit as much as I do. And sometimes, I’ll be reading books about transit and related issues, probably while riding the train. 

    This post is part year-end recap, part open accountability for myself and to any reader who knows me well enough to keep me honest to my goals and aspirations for 2026. 

  • You Make Me Feel Safe

    You Make Me Feel Safe

    Over the summer, while I was hanging out with a friend, a moment of particular vulnerability stood out during our conversation. They told me, “You make me feel safe.” It was a profound statement to make, unprompted, and one that displayed significant vulnerability and trust. (It’s impossible to know how that would be received – other than good.) It was quite unexpected. This friend is not always the most open about feelings, which made the moment that much more impactful. Not only was it a refreshing moment of openness, but I took what they said to heart and reflected on how I must be doing something right in the friendship. 

    I’ve thought a lot about this moment since then. Innately, we seek safety for self-preservation, for peace, and for comfort. How many of us have people we would consider a safe space? How much work are we intentionally putting into ourselves to be that for others? Are we willing to work on being emotionally and physically safe spaces to our circles? Is our very presence enough to put people at ease, let them be themselves, and lower their guards?

    I recognize my own limitations in putting this type of trust in others. If I do, it’s rarely full-throated, which, by definition, means I don’t feel completely safe. I selectively lessen my grip and often just for a fleeting moment or two. Loosening that emotional control for too long may put something on display not yet curated for public consumption. Guess I need to practice what my friend did with me, proclaim who my safe spaces are to those people, and live within them more wholeheartedly.   

  • To Those Who Go Before Us

    To Those Who Go Before Us

    To the people whose lives were examples for us
    Who showed us the way without trying;

    To those who cared more deeply than was expected of them;

    To those who quietly prepared routes for us
    Not knowing where those paths would take us;

    To those whose offhanded comments steered us
    Towards the places we’d find and make lifelong friends;

    To those who lovingly looked out for us as one of their own children
    From near or far;

    To those who taught us what we needed to know
    To be prepared for what lay ahead;

    To those who go before us and will never know
    The fullness of our love and gratitude;

    Thank you for everything you did, for who you were,
    For who you continue to be in our hearts and memories.

    We love you.

  • The Performative Nature of America

    The Performative Nature of America

    Always Camera Ready

    It’s quite incredible how much society has shaped us into thinking we need to be “on” all the time. We have to be ready with the right inspirational quote, or drop a spicy take on some topic, to have a well-told story, to have the perfect Instagram-ready vacation photo no matter how you felt in the moment, or if you’re the more nuanced type, to also be mindful to not “say the wrong thing” to spark outrage online for simply sharing a thought about … anything. 

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  • Noticing

    Noticing

    Every once in a while, I am reminded that we need to remind others that we exist and of what we “bring to the table.” It is not the natural state for many of us to notice others. It is not my natural state to do things intentionally to be noticed.

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  • Nobody is a Stranger in Scotland

    Nobody is a Stranger in Scotland

    Once in a while you meet someone you didn’t quite expect and that person ends up imprinting a part of themselves onto you, whether they were intending to or not. And yet, you walk away from that experience being extremely grateful.

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  • In Your Own Words

    In Your Own Words

    In the last few years, I’ve watched people I know take on new personas online and spout off with positions on topics on social media and speak in tones and absolutes that would trouble me if I heard them talk that same way in person. I’ve seen how calloused and stubborn we have become in positions on everything from politics to medicine to foreign policy to religion and everything else in between. And in most of these areas, the people I’m referring to are not professionals in those spaces but speak with the authority and audacity (pride?) of someone who is. It is baffling. Why do we feel so compelled to sound right all of the time (and everyone else wrong)? 

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  • 2020, The Loss Of Nuance, and The Callousness of Selfish Gain

    2020, The Loss Of Nuance, and The Callousness of Selfish Gain

    I was not ready for what this year became. I suspect you, reader, were not either. 

    This year was hard. Though like many others I tried to make do with what was dealt. I spent more time alone than usual and wrote about feeling the need to be cared for as a single person. Travel was mostly nonexistent, save for one coordinated trip to the South for a week in June to see & quarantine with close friends. The April marathon I trained for was canceled. Yet I continued running throughout the year and almost logged 700 miles. Neighbor Bob and I masked up and replaced the basement and stair tile. I completed a year at my not-so-new job. I also made some new friends while nerding out over stationary. So not all was lost.

    However,  I also found 4 gray hairs. That is not acceptable. Thanks a lot, 2020!  

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