No Promises

This is the crux, the core, of so much hesitation in my life. There are no guarantees afforded to us. But I always want more of what isn’t available: More stability, more reliability, no bad surprises. That level of expectation is, of course, is folly and pure madness to chase after such levels of security and predictability. Perhaps it is that excitement, joy, and real living are found at the edges, in that space where we’re taken beyond our comfortable spaces. Those parts we’re afraid to expose to anyone else, maybe even to ourselves.

This vulnerability to see ourselves for who we are or could be, and for others to also understand that… is extremely risky. What if I am rejected? Or thought less of? What pain might I experience? But … what freedom, healing, joy, or love may be waiting for me on the other side? Brene Brown spoke about this in her Netflix special. Completely walling yourself off from other people is not good. We are wired for human connection. But we also have to be wise and not open ourselves up full bore to everyone either.

Living in a mental and emotional space that has no promises is necessary for me. I can’t put everything into a box, predict every action, know what will happen, or know how long it will take your heart to process… I need to give myself time and grace as I make mistakes. Things will get ugly and messy along the way. I’m going to get hurt and feel pain. I won’t like that part. And that’s OK.

I need to learn to be better about being in the “no promises” zone. It scares me a lot. My craving for stability and controlling outcomes is a lot stronger than I want to admit to myself or anyone else; loosening that grip will prove challenging.