This was the view of my dining room as I left for work last Friday. A nice bright morning that called for a time of reflecting at the table and thinking about… anything. It’s too bad I didn’t have time and needed to head out the door. Perhaps that will teach me to get up a little earlier to enjoy some silence and sunlight. Oh, and that awesome blue accent wall.
A little lunch treat
Chicago in late January
It’s a common scenario that many of us encounter, usually starting sometime in our mid-20’s. You have a decent size group of friends who are mostly single and unattached to anybody. Maybe you also have that token dating couple to keep thing diverse. Then that couple gets married. Everyone celebrates that first marriage in your social circle. At some point, one of the guys who you never expected to find a girl crazy enough to talk to him is the next one in line to get married. Over time, those couples start having kids. Everyone continues to share the joy of these experiences. However, time and changes in life stage begin to change all that.
As the single person, you still have your own sense of schedule and freedom that doesn’t work with your married friends, especially those with kids. Life is more scheduled now, or at least not as much driven by your own needs and wants. We adapt to make everythin work. And what I was thinking about most recently is that the single friend who wants to keep friendships with his married/with kids friends, he also adapts to their lifestyles like hanging out at their homes since their kids need to sleep early. Mostly gone are the days of impromptu going out for a drink or the random 2AM run to Meijer (unless it’s to grab diapers for your newborn, like I and a friend just did this past weekend.)
Don’t misunderstand me here in my thought dump. I love all my friends who are married and may also have kids. They are a dear part of my life and I wouldn’t be the same without them. But as someone who is still very much single in his early 30’s, I still have sparks of spontaneity and want to do stuff on the fly. Those days are falling farther and farther into my past, not because I’m turning into someone who stays home all the time, but because my social circle have new roles in life that don’t always perfectly align with mine anymore. And that’s OK. We work through that and continue to have community. I’m open to hearing thoughts and feedback as I continue to work through this and understand my role as the single person in a roomful of people paired off with each other.
frustration part ii
this was a follow up to frustration
frustration returns again
to my tired soul
unable to withstand
holding back the tears
and emotions inside
i desperately try to hide from You
i strive for more
than seems possible now
to my bloodshot eyes
from moments of sorrow
that last forever in my mind
as dreams look impossible
i pray from my heart
as reality seems unbearable
i will call out Your name
for Your love to guide me
and my hope to be restored
so i do not crumble
from the trials i face
brought only to bring me
closer to You
in the end
July 11, 1996
i see your eyes staring at my own…
i see your eyes staring at my own
am i looking at the inside
or merely beautifully made curtains
thin enough only only to know
someone left the light on
but unsure as to what’s happening
leery to take the next step
pull the shade aside
and peer into the living room
will words ever tell the whole story
or will actions contradict the fairy tale
told to everyone
do the cinderalla dreams
always start after midnight
certainty so boldly displayed
has now been torn down and destroyed
leaving behind the soul
with a label saying “FRAGILE”
will any hands be gentle enough
to caress this one of a kind artpiece
and tend to it forever
and not become tired of its beauty
waiting for an answer
the questioning is paused
as i walk away from the mirror
6/6/98
Stormy Summer night
As the end of a calendar year draws closer, I begin to reminisce about what’s happened in the past almost 12 months and look through pictures, journal entries, and so on. I ran across a couple photos I took from the apartment after a storm had come through and knocked out power to the apartment. The view outside of the parking lot and prairie path was completely dark. Compared to the normally well lit area, it was actually a welcome, albeit slightly eerie, change of pace. This doesn’t totally capture the moment, but it brought me back to that time and the small moment of reflection it brought.