House Musings

A Calm Friday Morning

This was the view of my dining room as I left for work last Friday. A nice bright morning that called for a time of reflecting at the table and thinking about… anything. It’s too bad I didn’t have time and needed to head out the door. Perhaps that will teach me to get up a little earlier to enjoy some silence and sunlight. Oh, and that awesome blue accent wall.


Being Single When Most of Your Friends Aren’t

It’s a common scenario that many of us encounter, usually starting sometime in our mid-20’s. You have a decent size group of friends who are mostly single and unattached to anybody. Maybe you also have that token dating couple to keep thing diverse. Then that couple gets married. Everyone celebrates that first marriage in your social circle. At some point, one of the guys who you never expected to find a girl crazy enough to talk to him is the next one in line to get married. Over time, those couples start having kids. Everyone continues to share the joy of these experiences. However, time and changes in life stage begin to change all that.

As the single person, you still have ¬†your own sense of schedule and freedom that doesn’t work with your married friends, especially those with kids. Life is more scheduled now, or at least not as much driven by your own needs and wants. We adapt to make everythin work. And what I was thinking about most recently is that the single friend who wants to keep friendships with his married/with kids friends, he also adapts to their lifestyles like hanging out at their homes since their kids need to sleep early. Mostly gone are the days of impromptu going out for a drink or the random 2AM run to Meijer (unless it’s to grab diapers for your newborn, like I and a friend just did this past weekend.)

Don’t misunderstand me here in my thought dump. I love all my friends who are married and may also have kids. They are a dear part of my life and I wouldn’t be the same without them. But as someone who is still very much single in his early 30’s, I still have sparks of spontaneity and want to do stuff on the fly. Those days are falling farther and farther into my past, not because I’m turning into someone who stays home all the time, but because my social circle have new roles in life that don’t always perfectly align with mine anymore. And that’s OK. We work through that and continue to have community. I’m open to hearing thoughts and feedback as I continue to work through this and understand my role as the single person in a roomful of people paired off with each other.


What of the wretched hollow, the endless in between…

Ever since I first heard this song from Imogen Heap’s album, “Ellipse”, I felt like there’s a greater truth within the words that’s waiting for me to find it and apply to my own life.

To me, the song speaks to my own life-long endeavors in their very undefined state and asking me if I’m doing anything about them in the midst of pain and imperfection. I’ve heard often that those life moments that define you actually happen between those big moments. It’s the sum of our lives that make us who we are, not just what we do in a fleeting moment in time. We can all act or pretend once in a while, but can we do it all the time?

However, when I first heard this song, what really struck me was how this spoke to my single life and how I was (and if I’m honest, still am) letting the pains of my past get in the way of living in the now. More specifically, this song forces me to ask the question of where I stand in the world of relationships and if I’m waiting for time to heal all the scars from a lifetime of seeing and experiencing broken relationships within my family and among friends. I’m pretty sure I’ve told myself that one day I’ll magically be ready for marriage and “being an adult.” But while I wait to heal and come to some very undefined place of readiness, I’m still living life; things don’t stop moving because I’m not ready for them to forge ahead.

So what am I going to do? Am I just going to wait it out, here in the wretched hollow, the endless in between?

Wait It Out by Imogen Heap

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can’t get beyond the questions.
Clambering for the scraps
in the shatter of us collapsed.
It cuts me with every could-have-been.

Pain on pain on play, repeating
With the backup makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

There’s nothing to see here now,
turning the sign around;
We’re closed to the Earth ’til further notice.
A Stumbling cliche case,
crumbled and puffy faced.
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles.

All I want, only one street-level miracle.
I’ll be a an out-and-out, born again from none more cynical.

Everybody says time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

And sit here cold?
Well, We’ll be long gone by then.
And lackluster in dust we lay
Around old magazines.
Fluorescent lighting sets the scene
for all we could and should be being
in the one life that we’ve got.

(Ah, Ah, Ah)

In the one life that we’ve got.

Everybody says that time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?

Are we just going to wait it out? sit Here?
Just going to Wait it out? Sit here cold?
Just going to sweat it out?
Wait it out.


Communication and the Lack Thereof

This week I relearned the hard truth that communication issues, whether in the form of misunderstandings or lack of actual questions or answers, has very real impact in our lives. Assumptions are made by each party in any conversation; one that the communicator assumes the listener understands, and two that the listener gets what the other person is trying to say. Too often, though, we find we’re not very good at saying what we meant to say. Nor are we always consistent about getting clarification. I wonder how different my life would be if I just asked one more question or used another word to explain something.

A friend has once said that 90% of the world’s problems are caused by bad communication. While this isn’t based on any definitive research, it’s very true that if we took the extra minute to be clear, life wouldn’t be so challenging sometimes.


It’s National Poetry Month?

A good friend of mine in Tennessee tells me it’s National Poetry Month. That sounds like a request for me to dust off some of my old works and find a couple to post here on my blog over the coming weeks. Get ready for some teen angst driven emotions to pour out. And maybe a more rare emotionally driven writing from my 20’s.


Hello March 2010

How did 1/6th of the year already pass by? A lot has happened, but I feel like there isn’t much to show for it in my personal life. What have I really done? How have I been challenged to change? I recently revisited my last post about being more intentional and am finding it’s a difficult task. From things as simple as being diligent about working out to being better about keeping in touch with friends, life is harder than it seems.

I have a number of entries started and in “draft” status. Perhaps March will be a month when I release a couple of them to the world.

Musings Opinion

So many thoughts, so many words to describe them

The existence of this space to provide an outlet for sharing my thoughts and reflections on life has not been very reflective lately. If I were to look here or in my personal journals, one may think very little is going on inside this head of mine based on the lack of entries. Really though, there are a lot of thoughts traversing their ways through the admittedly very full and somewhat easily distracted brain I own. Thankfully, most of you can’t see the behind the scenes activity. It is worrisome to me and I’m the one in control of these thoughts!

Today I was reminded via a quote at a friend’s blog that basically said if you’re thinking, you are writing about it. It can be to help formulate more coherent thought or simply to remember what the idea was at that moment. The article my friend referenced also said writing is hard. That author is right. Being able to write coherent and full sentences that convey a message proves more challenging to create for the writer and in some ways more difficult to digest to today’s reader.

So what’s the point of all this? Mainly that I need to find a more consistent outlet for my ideas and thoughts that I have been keeping to myself. Whether it’s response to news, conversations with friends, or even a reaction to a billboard, if there is significant meaning, then it should be explored in greater detail. The goal would be that I have more article posted, hopefully with more logic and coherence as time goes on.

Until next time,



Away We Go during a quiet weekend alone

I recently watched the film “Away We Go” because I like the two main actors and the story portrayed in the trailer about a young couple trying to find their place in the world intrigued me. After finding out the father’s parents are moving very far away, the couple finds themselves with no relational connection to their home and in some ways, they find this somehow freeing in the midst of the unknown to find a new home to call their own.

Without going into the plot of the film, I found myself moved by the story. The couple wanted to find a place they could call home and ideally be able to share that with friends or family. Through the journey, they ultimately began to better understand each other and what they needed: connection. They wanted to connect with others as their family grew. In the midst of the journey, they realize some people who aren’t they remember them to be. They also encounter the reality of pain their friends have experienced and the brokenness of marriage and family.

There were two things that struck me as I watched. One was the optimism that something better was in store for them. Broken families and friends with challenging marriages were not enough to discourage them to try and make the best life for the child they were expecting. The second is that the innate focus to connect and share life with others. The willingness to travel the countryside and find friends or family that would form the basis of their new community is what drove¬† them forward to keep looking. Community is a much more powerful thing than we typically give it credit for. I have certainly make many decisions because of the communities I am a part of, from friends to church to work to family. It’s part of who we are as humans to want to be in community with others. Even for those of us who may lean slightly towards the introverted side of personality types still desperately need others. Just maybe not as frequently, but still as deeply.

Even if it wasn’t the point of the movie, I left myself with many questions How far am I willing to go to find and create a community I can be part of? What am I willing to sacrifice to make that happen? Will I move halfway across the country or the world? Will I give up everything I know and am comfortable with to make that happen?