The beginnings of a more public exploration into searching for and understanding connectivity
I’m not sure I’ve had any preconceived notions about what life would be like in my 30s. Well, that’s not entirely true. A long long time ago (back in my 20s), I would have told you that I would probably be married, probably have a kid or two bearing my last name and hopefully some of my better genetic and personality traits, and have a job I enjoy. If you’re keeping score, I got 1 out of 3. A .333 batting average in baseball is pretty good actually so by those standards I’m doing pretty well. For those interested, my bubble gum trading cards will be available for purchase online soon with collector’s editions available in the fall.
I am thankful that I have friends and family who don’t nag me about certain things like relationship status, to which I leave that categorized as “single and complicated.” I attribute the nag-free zone I’m in to distracting them with checking off a number of items on the “Life Stages to Hit to be Considered a Fully Grown Adult” list and with pretty photos in large canvas print format. I became a master of deflection and distraction from myself, even if some friends are finally catching on to and at identifying my schemes. These milestones, or Life Events as Facebook would have us label them, haven’t been done in any significant or specific order. But that’s OK as long as they’re done at some point, right? I got some good ones done:
- College degree? Check.
- Good job? Check.
- Bought a house? Check.
- Personal blog read by tens of people? Check!
In spite of these accomplished milestones, I will admit I still struggle with the “Where am I/where should I be?” and “am I doing what I should be?” questions. The answers to those being “a little to the left from where you are” and “something a little different and a little better than how you’re doing it now.” It’s easy to say often the answer to both questions is “unsure.” And sometimes the answer to “how are you feeling in the midst of all this?” is a little lonely.
In spite of plentiful social media connections and real life friends & family, there’s an air of mystery around single people. Others, especially married people, assume that singles always have it easy. There’s always fun plans to be jealous of or something cool going on. Speaking on behalf of this barely popular and introverted single guy, this simply is not true. While my intentionally curated (this term is overused) photos on Instagram and posts on Facebook sometimes give off the impression I’m always traveling or doing stuff that is envy inducing, there’s plenty of the boring, seemingly inconsequential, solitary, and endless in-between. Doing all this on your own can be a lot tougher than you think.
This post is not a cry for help to get people to get me to go out more. Low key and no plans are OK with me. That introvert in me thrives in having plenty of space to think, recharge, and ponder life over a hot cup of tea or a nicely aged Scotch. The last thing I want is a full schedule.
What I realized recently is that my recent frustrations lie more in time/availability + similar interests. Pairing what I enjoy with what other enjoy and sharing those experiences with others when they are available is increasingly difficult within my social circles. The overlaps of my interests with people in the Venn diagram of life are not aligning often. There’s the sliver of one here and there over a Scotch or hot bowl of ramen, but again… time and availability do not frequently align.
Current status? Single and present, figuring out how to make better connections. I’m open to where that may take me, including stepping outside of my house and current comfort zones.