Prime Numbers are interesting and fascinating things in the world of mathematics. According to mathisfun.com, “A Prime Number can be divided evenly only by 1 or itself.” This perhaps is the greatest way to represent how I see and process myself at this point in life right now as I enter a year defined as a prime number.
I have a general penchant for solitude and space to myself, perhaps especially these last two years on a specific day in this autumn month. Much of this past year has seen what I’ve known as stable and consistent change in front of me in surprising and drastic ways. People that have been part of my life on a regular basis are off doing other things. The face of organizations I am part of, though while familiar, are also very much not the same. Life isn’t necessarily any less stable, but it’s changed in larger ways in the last 12 months.
The bulk of my race training this year for the half and full marathons were done solo. Numerous sessions on the treadmill and lots of runs on the prairie path trails were done without someone running alongside with me. (Though I was grateful for the support friends showed me along the Toronto marathon.) Many a podcast and album accompanied me to keep my mind occupied or motivated to (try and) keep going, especially on those hot summer days when all I wanted to do was stop and melt away.
A prime number can be divided evenly only by 1 or itself.
I’m realizing more and more that I’m internally OK with being on my own. Being a prime number year is solidifying that. And in a lot of ways, it’s liberating and freeing it’s OK to stand alone and be identified as such.
I don’t write all this in a “I don’t need nobody” kind of way or that I don’t need friends or that faith isn’t a strong presence in my life, but primarily in the relationship sense. As I get older, I become more and more OK with being single and not requiring definition by marriage and having a “better half”. I am who I am without a specific type of relationship defining that. That “who I am” understanding extends to not letting my possessions and ability to retain facts needs work next.
The kickoff of this prime year was met with more fanfare and less internal turmoil than the last couple Novembers (particularly last year), for which I am grateful. It is in part because of that care and friendship I am in a better space to see with some clarity. My existence on its own is valuable, which I need to remember and occasionally celebrate, even if I don’t like the attention all that much.